


trying

by hyacinthis



Category: Captive Prince - C. S. Pacat
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Coping, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Execution, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Insomnia, M/M, Nightmares, POV Damen (Captive Prince), PTSD, Worried Partner, also the regent dies super early on in this, laurent deserves good things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 13:09:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19724305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyacinthis/pseuds/hyacinthis
Summary: “Yes and no.” Laurent finally said, exhaling as he did. “It is hard… And it is not going to be an overnight healing process. But I am trying.”There was silence as Damen continued to brush his hair. That’s all Damen wanted to hear. He didn’t have anything to say. That’s what he was hoping for.“I am trying.” Laurent repeated again, more to himself than to the man behind him.





	trying

In the days leading up to the Regent’s execution, Laurent wasn’t well. He didn’t sleep, he didn’t eat, he barely spoke, and only bathed when he deemed necessary. He slept with most all of his clothes on and wouldn’t let servants anywhere near his quarters. He flinched when Damen touched him and was often caught staring out of the window blankly, lost in thought. 

Damen didn’t think too much of it. It was going to be difficult for Laurent, he expected that. He would be back to normal shortly after the execution and the two of them would be happy and fine. Laurent would sleep well again, he would eat plenty, and they would have conversations long into the early hours of the morning. Damen would be able to sleep against his bare skin and Laurent would welcome his touches. Things would be normal again.

He almost didn’t believe that Laurent would want to go to the execution, so Damen was quite surprised when he woke up early the morning of the execution and Laurent was already lacing up his boots.

“May I come?” Damen asked blearly, running a hand through his knotted hair.

“Only if you so wish.” Laurent answered shortly. It was the first thing he had said to Damen in over a day. “I will not make you go.”

“Well then, I’ll go.” He said, rolling out of their large bed to get dressed.

The ride there was quiet and tense as Laurent stared out the window. The clouds were dark and heavy in the sky, a stereotypical day for an execution. Damen spent the whole ride staring at Laurent, quietly observing his small, almost nervous, mannerisms. 

As morbid as it was, Damen couldn’t help but think Laurent looked stunning. He was dressed in a white shirt, a black vest with gold designs, black pants that took him too long to lace up, his fine boots, and a long black cape. It was definitely execution attire. Damen had never seen him in so much black, but it really was a good color on him. It made his blonde, almost white hair, shine and his blue eyes looked like two twin sapphires.

By the time they got to the execution, a large crowd had formed. Jord opened their carriage door for the both of them and watched Laurent climb out. The crowd turned to look at him and the air went still. Jord glanced up at Damen and Damen nodded in quiet response before Jord lead them to their seats.

The crowd watched them in silence as Laurent’s boots clicked loudly on the cobblestone ground. It seemed like not a single person was breathing. Laurent sat down with practiced grace high above the crowd and crossed one leg over the other, then rested his head on his hand, almost as if he was bored and had somewhere better to be.

“Are you going to say anything?” Jord whispered in Laurent’s ear.

Laurent glanced up at the older man then down at the crowd below. What was there to say? All of the Regent’s treasons and other actions had been exposed to the public. Laurent didn’t feel the need to say anything.

“It seems a little pointless, does it not?” He responded just as quietly.

Jord nodded his head in understanding and stood next to him, staring down at the crowd. A murmur went through them, growing like a wave until the sound suddenly came crashing down on Laurent, almost too loud for him to handle. He closed his eyes and Damen looked over at him worriedly. He looked up at Jord, who only stared back at Damen, before looking back out at the large crowd below them. There was no telling how many people were there.

Suddenly the crowd went silent and the air was heavy. Laurent opened his eyes when he heard the sound of chains rattling and heavy boots walking up wooden stairs. He suddenly felt a lump form in his throat and the world seemed to be spinning around him. He kept his cool demeanor, though, and didn’t shift in his seat any. Just like his mother taught him when he was young. 

He remembered the first execution he had to witness. He sat between his mother and Auguste as Auguste held his hand and his mother pet his hair.

“It’s scary.” He had whispered to her, pulling on her dress.

“I know, my darling.” She whispered back to him. “Just be very still and very quiet. It won’t be long before it’s over.”

Laurent has nodded his head full of blonde hair before looking to Auguste, who gave him a reassuring smile.

“Can I close my eyes?” Laurent asked his mother.

“Of course. Do whatever you need to, dear.”

Her words echoed in his head as he watched his uncle walk into the platform and kneel between the beams of the guillotine. _Be very still and very quiet. Be very still and very quiet. Be very still and very—_

Damen noticed Laurent jump out of the corner of his eye as one of the men starts to speak loudly, announcing the date and the time. All protocol. He glanced over at Jord again, who also had his eyes on Laurent, but Laurent just stared straight down at the sight below them. 

The man read loudly to the crowd the Regent’s crimes and his punishment, which had to have been obvious, before he turned to the older man on his knees in front of him.

“Do you have any last words?” He asked harshly.

The Regent was silent for a long time. Damen scooted to the edge of his seat, looking over at Laurent again, who remained cool as ever. Jord seemed to just as on edge as Damen was. The man looked up to Laurent, an unreadable look in his blue eyes, and was sure to make eye contact. Laurent stopped breathing, clutching the arm of his seat, as Damen stood. The Regent’s stare never wavered before he looked to the executioner and shook his head. Damen backed down and took his seat, glancing to Laurent once more.

“Very well, then.” The other man had said. “If you would.” He nodded his head to the bascule and lunette in front of the Regent.

Damen and Jord both kept their attention rapt in Laurent. A priest said a prayer over the Regent as another man placed a black sack over his head. He pushed his head down onto the lunette and closed the other half around his neck, then stepped back as the executioner got ready to drop the blade. He and the other man shared a long look before the other man nodded. The executioner nodded in response then let the blade drop.

Laurent suddenly reached out, grasping onto Damen’s hand with an iron grip. Jord stepped a bit closer to Laurent, setting his hand next to his arm in silent comfort. Damen squeezed Laurent’s hand back as the Regent’s bagged head rolled into the basket in front of him. Laurent felt like he was choking and before he could stop it, a few solemn tears started to roll down his cheeks.

Damen quickly stood and helped Laurent out of his seat. Jord understood the silent command and started to walk the two of them back down to the carriage. The executioner began to drag the Regent’s body away and the second Laurent’s boot hit the ground, the crowd turned to him. None of them moved, none of them spoke, just watched him walk to his carriage.

As he started to climb in, he suddenly stopped. Jord and Damen both stared at him as Laurent turned to the crowd. He inhaled deeply and stood straight, holding himself like the royalty he was.

“There isn’t much that I would like to say regarding my uncle’s death.” He said loudly and clearly. “But, I would like it to be known that I am going to be a better leader than he was and better than he ever would have been.” 

Without another word, Laurent ducked into the carriage and Damen followed, Jord shutting the door behind them. Damen pulled the curtains around the windows as they pulled away and the crowd began to erupt in sound. Damen stared at Laurent, Laurent staring blankly at the covered window. 

“Please come sit beside me.” Laurent said weakly, quietly, a stark contrast from the man who just addressed most (if not all) of his kingdom.

Damen didn’t hesitate and quickly moved across the carriage to sit beside his lover. He reached down and gently took hold of Laurent’s pale hand before pressing kisses to his white knuckles. They didn’t speak, they didn’t look at each other. Laurent just held onto Damen’s hand like it was the only thing he had left.

And, in a way, it was.

By the time they arrived back at the palace, it was pouring. There had been plenty of lightning and thunder but Jord and the carriage driver knew better than to stop. So they didn’t. Damen opened the door of the carriage for a trembling Laurent once they arrived, quickly escorting him in. Jord followed behind, walking them up to their chambers as different servants stopped and stared at the soaked Laurent. 

Once at their chambers, Laurent quickly went in as Damen paused to mutter a quiet thank you to Jord.

“It isn’t a problem.” The other man said lowly. “Keep me updated on him, will you?”

“Of course.” Damen answered, patting Jord on the shoulder before following Laurent into their rooms. 

By the time Damen came in, Laurent had already ripped off his cape and unlaced his boots. He sat on their bed, hair soaked, staring down at his trembling hands.

“I hate him.” Laurent whispered. “I hope he rots.”

In the days after the Regent’s execution, Laurent wasn’t well. He slept, but he was plagued with night terrors that left him shaken to the core. He ate, but he usually couldn’t keep it down for more than a few hours. He spoke, but it all came out in choked out sobs and strangled cries. He didn’t bathe and he didn’t leave his chambers. He leaned into Damen’s touches, but couldn’t handle them for too long and continued to stare out the window blankly.

In all honesty, Damen thought Laurent might die. He couldn’t do anything but sit and be there for him but Damen didn’t feel like that was enough. There had to be something else he could do, but there just wasn’t. 

“Have you tried talking to Paschal?” Jord asked one day when Damen worriedly spoke to him about it.

“What will he be able to do? This isn’t something that’s physical it’s… It’s something that’s inside of him, it’s something that’s been festering. This is… _Years_ of damage seeping through the cracks, Jord.”

“I…” Jord bit his lip hard. “I know, I know it is. Maybe Paschal could give him some sort of sleeping aid or… Or something. I think it’s worth your time.”

“Alright.” Damen sighed. “I am worried.”

“I know. I am too.”

Damen stood silently for a moment, almost awkwardly before he glanced to the doors of their chambers then walked away. Maybe seeing Paschal was a good idea. Maybe he could work some miracle. So he went. He figured trying was better than idly standing by and doing nothing while his love, his whole heart, suffered.

“He has not been sleeping well,” Damen explained, picking at his nails mindlessly. “When he eats, he can’t keep anything down. He is always lost in thought and he will not do anything, he lays around all day.”

Paschal looked at him over his glasses and sighed quietly. He shook his head and glanced back down at the salve he has been working on. Damen bit the inside of his cheek hard, watching the older man silently work.

“I did not know what else to do, so I came to you.”

Paschal sighed lowly and pushed some greying hair from his face. He leaned back for a moment, closing his eyes to think. Damen watched him quietly, rubbing his thumb against his other hand. He was on edge. More importantly, Laurent was.

Paschal stood and walked over to a cabinet of his. He opened it and ran his finger along different bottles and jars before he stopped on one. He picked it up then handed it to Damen. As Damen reaches out to grab it, the older man snatched his hand away.

“This is not going to solve everything.” He said in his heavy Veretian accent.

“I know.” Damen nodded.

“This will help him sleep, _hopefully_.” He continued. “I have known the prince for a long time. This is how he heals. I will give you a salve to help him sleep, but that isn’t going to solve all of the problems. You have to let him heal.”

Damen stared at him as Paschal set the salve into his open palm. He swallowed then nodded his head, blinking a few times.

“If this does not work by next week, come back to me.”

Damen nodded again, watching Paschal walk over to his desk. The older man settled, almost as if Damen wasn’t there anymore. He quietly slipped out of his chambers and walked back towards Laurent’s. Jord was leaning coolly against the wall beside the door and glanced down at the jar in Damen’s hand as Damen walked into their chambers.

“Laurent I—”

He stopped, salve still in hand. Laurent was _asleep_ in bed, curtains still drawn to let in plenty of sunlight, in a shirt at least two times his size. He was curled around Damen’s pillows, his long locks obscuring his perfectly sculpted face. Damen almost couldn’t believe it. He was asleep. He quietly set the salve down and exited their chambers, not noticing the concerned look Jord was giving him.

He rushed down the hallway then down a flight of stairs, towards the dining hall, and finally into the kitchen. With just as much urgency, he demanded a meal. Not a large one, but enough to fill Laurent up once he woke up. He turned again and quickly went back up to their chambers. 

“Someone from the kitchen should be coming up soon.” Damen said to Jord in a low tone. “Let them in, but make sure they’re quiet. Laurent is asleep.”

“ _Really?_ ” Jord said in disbelief.

“Truly.” He answered before quietly walking into their chambers.

Damen quietly walked in, staring at Laurent on the bed. His blonde hair covered part of his face and the light from the setting sun made him look like an angel. Damen sat at his side, gently running fingers through his soft locks, just watching. Watching the way he twitched in his sleep and the way he shifted closer to Damen’s touch. He was heavenly, he had to be a divine being.

Jord let the servants in to deliver Laurent his dinner after the sun had gone down. They set the tray of assorted foods down on a small table near the window, then quickly walked out. Jord poked his head in during the midst of it, trying to get some sort of status on the prince he watched grow up. 

Laurent still didn’t stir for hours. If Damen hadn’t been contently watching him breathe in his sleep, he would’ve thought he was dead. The food was cold by the time Damen finally decided to stand and go bathe. Laurent probably wouldn’t wake up in that time.

He pressed a small kiss to Laurent’s temple as Laurent rolled into the spot where Damen had been sitting. He walked to their baths and poured in a few different oils, scents that Damen himself didn’t particularly like but he knew Laurent loved, and sank into the steaming water. He sat for a long time, eyes closed, thinking about what he was going to do if Laurent’s condition didn’t improve.

He knew he was healing and that was fine. It was just concerning. And what if he never got better? What would Damen do? What would happen to their kingdom? What would happen to _them_?

He was pulled from his thoughts when he heard the sound of feet quietly walking on tile. He opened his eyes and turned to look towards the sound. Laurent stood in one of the archways, still in the shirt that was too big for him. His hair was a mess and his eyes were red and puffy, indicating he might have been crying in his sleep. If he had just woken up, anyways. He pushed some matted hair from his face and stared at Damen blearily, arms wrapped around himself.

“Laurent…” Damen whispered, just staring at him.

He quickly scrambled out of the baths, not even bothering to grab a towel, before rushing over to the smaller man. He gently put his hands on both of his shoulders and looked into his blue eyes. 

“What are you doing?” He asked. “You should be sleeping.”

“I have been.” Laurent answered lowly. “And I feel better.”

“You do not look better.”

“Flattering.”

“No, no—” Damen said quickly, pulling away from him. “I did not—”

“I know.” Laurent half smiled. “I’m giving you a hard time, Damianos.”

The blonde reached up and gently cupped one of Damen’s damp cheeks. Damen leaned into the touch as Laurent rubbed his thumb over his cheek bone. He closed his eyes, then gently put both of his wet hands on top of Laurent’s.

“I have been so worried.” Damen said truthfully.

“Is that what the salve on my desk is all about?” Damen opened his eyes. “You’re not good at hiding it.”

“It was just to help you sleep.” The larger man admitted. “In case you kept having trouble.”

“You are very sweet.” Laurent said. “But I will be just fine.”

“Have you eaten?” Damen asked.

“No, but I’m having Jord bring me something.”

“There was food—”

“It’s been sitting for a while.” Laurent smiled a little more.

Damen couldn’t help but blush a little. He didn’t think about that. And he wasn’t sure how much time had passed. The sweetmeats probably weren’t safe to eat anymore. Laurent was so smart. 

He reached down and gently embraced the other man, still wet from the baths, but Laurent hugged back. They stayed like that for a long time until Jord announced from the front of their chambers that food had been delivered, then left.

Laurent sat at the table by his window and ate. It was more than Damen had seen him eat in a while. Sweetmeats and stew and candies fruits and cheeses. He didn’t eat quickly, but he ate all of it, and made sure to space everything out as to not get sick. Laurent sat at the table, sipping on a few goblets of water before he finally stood and walked to the baths.

He stripped himself of the shirt he had been wearing and slipped into the bath, not bothering with oils or anything. Damen watched him quietly, not wanting to intrude on his space, but still just as worried as he had been before. But Laurent just closed his eyes and leaned back, letting the hot waters of the baths revive him.

When he finally got out, he dried himself then turned to Damen. Damen stared at him expectantly, head cocked as Laurent turned back around and walked to a nearby vanity. He pulled a hairbrush from it then nodded for Damen to follow him. 

They walked back into their sleeping chambers and Laurent gestures for him to sit on the bed. Damen did just so and Laurent handed him the brush, then sat directly in front of him on the edge of the bed. It took Damen a moment for things to click in his exhausted mind, but it finally did and he started to brush Laurent’s long hair from the bottom up.

“I am happy to see you taking care of yourself again.”

“I do not know if sleeping until the late hours of the night, binge eating, then bathing is ‘taking care of yourself’ but,” Laurent smiled. “I am happy you are happy.”

“Are you feeling better?” Damen asked after a few moments of silence.

Laurent inhaled deeply. He closed his eyes for a long time and turned his face up towards the ceiling. That was, of course, a very loaded question. He bit the inside of his cheek as he tried to think about how he wanted to phrase the thoughts floating around in that brilliant brain of his.

“Yes and no.” Laurent finally said, exhaling as he did. “It is hard… And it is not going to be an overnight healing process. But I am trying.”

There was silence as Damen continued to brush his hair. That’s all Damen wanted to hear. He didn’t have anything to say. That’s what he was hoping for.

“I am trying.” Laurent repeated again, more to himself than to the man behind him.

**Author's Note:**

> i haven’t written for captive prince in so long, i’ve missed it,,,  
> comments are greatly appreciated and thank you for reading!!!


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